Now more than ever, men need to compete to grab a woman’s attention online—a remotely attractive woman is inundated with dozens of emails every day. After a while, every email starts to look like an offer for for female-viagra and every guy looks like a different version of the same laid-back travel-loving always-laughing mountain-man. You need to find a way to stand out, but before you do that, you have to figure out men are doing to blend in.

Step 1: Create a Fake Profile and Scan the Competition

In order to scan the competition, you need to browse the ads of other men in your demographic–your competition. Create a fake profile, one where you check the female box instead of the male one. Before you think I’m a horrible person, I’m not suggesting you fill out the entire profile–leave the essay blank, don’t add a picture, and only fill out the necessary info so you can do a search. You can then browse men’s ads without your real profile coming up in their “who’s viewed me” list.

Step 2: Notice the Similarities in Men’s Ads

When you look at other men’s profiles, observe what other men saying (or not saying) in their profile essays. If you were a woman, which profile would stand out, and which one would make you yawn? You’ll probably start to notice some trends, such as overused  adjectives and interests. What are these men not saying?

Step 3: Go Back and Edit Your Profile

Go back to your profile with some digital scissors and  cut out anything that makes you seem like a carbon copy of the profiles you just looked at. Add anything that you mentioned other men not talking about. The only way to get a woman’s attention is to stand above the competition. Now that you know what the competition is doing, you are a step ahead of most men who have no idea.